When it comes to my health, I will share publicly the positive side of things.  When I workout, when I eat healthy I can talk all day about it… but I can’t be the only one who hides when we feel blah and down and things are not perfect.  Today, I want to get a little vulnerable and share, because I do believe sharing is caring.  I have been struggling with my well being.  I knew it was my time to start dealing with depression I was starting to feel.

My Story

So you know earlier this year, I started going back to the gym.  I was doing awesome, in everyday working out and starting to see results.  I wrote about it in April that I was just fed up and ready to take action.  But, what I didn’t write about was what was going on with me deep inside my mind.

This might get a little personal, but sharing.

See… we all get older and things change.  Duh right.  But, for me the hormones and issues I have been dealing with during my monthly cycle were starting to get out of control.  (in my mind).  I got to the point where for 3 days a month I just wanted to stay home, not talk to anyone nor even really do anything.  My time of the month was just becoming awful.  I felt bad with cramps and yukiness, but that was just a small part of the changes I was starting to experience.  It was the moods!  I can tell you, I never felt like I was one of those girls you had to avoid during PMS nor did I feel I had major mood swings.  But, lately… the moods have taken a dark turn.  I feel depressed, sad and just torn inside.  It was time to start admitting and dealing with depression that I was starting to feel inside.

The Struggles I Was Feeling

Daily, I was really struggling with depression.  I didn’t want to tell anyone how moody (sad/depressed) I was becoming, because I feel I live a great life.  Reality is… I do have a loving family, husband, friends…my home is great… so what did I have to “complain” or be “depressed” about.  But, I was just really starting to feel just sad about everything.  Everything became “bigger” in my eyes… a friend not calling was suddenly “nobody likes me”.  My mind started playing out on all the failures I felt in my life.  It didn’t matter how small they really were, they were suddenly HUGE.  When I gained a pound meant so that lead to the hard work of going to the gym and focusing on my diet meant nothing… so why go anymore (so I stopped going).  Now, I could go on and on, but this wasn’t just a mood swing… this was a full on attack on my mind going on.  Basically, I was really starting to feel lost.  I didn’t talk to anyone buy my hubby and that just made things worse as I dug my little hole for myself to hide in until it passed.

I say my hole was 3 days where I just want to hide away, but the reality is… that was the worst time of the entire month.  The week or 2 of PMS before those 3 days was just the start of full on mess.  So for half the month I was just starting to feel what I say is just sad, down, and really depressed.

My Life Started to Suffer

You know life suffers when you aren’t feeling like you and are just depressed.  Work is hard to do, relationships are hard… the things you love are plan hard (workout, my art, my business…).  I think it is honestly why I started researching Young Livings essential oils to help calm the mood swings.  It’s why I started bible journaling to find that spiritual peace.  I was searching for something to bring me back to “normal”.  All I know if I wasn’t taking my EHT and Youth Factor daily supplements, there was NO WAY I would have even remotely made it through my days.  Those things keep me up and energized when I was down.  My girlfriend and I had a conversation, how would we get through the day if we didn’t take care of ourselves at the basic level when all this other stuff is going on????

My Thoughts On Depression

I’m sharing today because I think “depression” has a stereotype set to it.  We don’t want to show our dark sides.  We don’t show the cheat meals when we are on a healthy kick right, just the show off the good healthy meals we cook.  Well talking about our feelings opens us up for “judgement” and don’t we already have enough of that in our lives?  I also think when we think about dealing with depression we immediately think doctors/drugs, and that wasn’t the way I wanted to go either.

Well, it’s time to get real with depression.  I have often thought about Robin Williams over the last few months.  A guy LOVED by the world for making people laugh, yet inside he was suffering.  So much so, that he took his own life.  I don’t know what kind of help he reached out for, but it seemed a surprise to many to hear of his passing (so maybe not enough).  It made me think (not that I am suicidal, but being real with my blog today that some people reading this might be), we need to be able to talk about our issues without judgement from others.  We need to get help without fears of what others will think, even our doctors.  We need to stop being so “perfect” and being open with each other so we can love and support others more.

Dealing With Depression and Taking Action

Yesterday, I went to my gynecologist and had an honest conversation of what was going on in my life over the past few months.  Was it scary… YES!  I was fearful of what she would say/recommend and think.  But, I guess I was more worried about living a life of hiding because of how I was feeling that I opened up to her.  Talking to the intake nurse about what was going on … was so refreshing too.  She IMMEDIATELY calmed me down and made me feel better when she said… I know what you mean, I struggle with this too.  I took the steps to feel better and start dealing with my depression.  When you do it can bring life back into you.  Talking to my doctor, we created a plan of action to “fight” these hormonal changes and the symptoms I am having.  She wanted to help me get out of my hole and just feel better about life again.  To simply help me find ME that seemed to be getting lost in the shuffle of my mind.  

Let’s Be Real

See, we as people don’t “discuss” what’s going on but reality is… our best friends might be going through the same thing.  Why not reach out and help someone by saying… I understand.  I feel that way too and here is what I did to seek help/support and how I feel now because of it.  Let’s get this taboo feeling out of the way and start taking care of ourselves.  Being open/honest and real with people not just the pretty perfect photo of life.  When you need help, ask for it.

Starting Conversations

Over on my Facebook page today, I am talking health.  It’s time to take OUR WELLNESS seriously.  Get those yearly exams and talk to your doctors.  Having open and honest conversations can help you feel better, live healthier, prevent problems and so much more.  If I hadn’t been going to my gynecologist yearly for my exams, yup I probably would still be stuck suffering quietly to myself in my hole, trying to find more essential oils to help me feel better and deal with my depression personally, then look and discussion what my options really are.  I do believe both natural remedies and medications are important in our lives, we should look at and consider both but we should never rule out one or the other.  Our health is important, our relationships with our doctors are important.  We have to establish trust so we can be open and talk without fear of judgement.  THEY understand and see it everyday, we are not “special” or “the only one”.

It’s time to step up and be aware of what’s going on and take care of ourselves.  Yesterday.. opened the doors for me to find solutions.  It made me aware… I am not crazy or the only one or it’s something more then my mind says it is.  That my body is changing with age and the hormones are starting to take hold and it’s NORMAL!  I’m not going to hide or be judged or be fearful of others opinions on me.  I am here to take care of ME first.

I hope I simply inspired you… life changes, we change as we get older.  Things happen.  Depression comes on for many reasons (health, age, situations…) it’s ok to stand up for yourself and seek solutions.  It’s ok to talk to a friend, family and let them know what is going on.  It’s ok to take care of YOU!

I love you and hope you find the this helpful and if needed start the process to heal yourself and start dealing with depression you might be feeling.  As for me… I am looking forward to getting BACK on track with my life, my art, my workout, my business… MY WORLD again.  Leave me a comment, I want to hear from you and know that I might have helped you out today.  Of course, if this might help someone else… please hit share and pass it on.  <3

Until later, have a fabulous day!
Create YOUR Amazing Life

Heather Buchman




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